I am a big believer in putting into the universe the type of energy you want to get back. For this reason, I always try to dwell on the positive. In life it’s not always easy. On my social media though, it’s always sunshine and butterflies. I am so super grateful for my kids and I want the world to see how happy, sweet, smart and fun they are. I don’t want the whole world to see that sometimes I feel like I’m drowning and that I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in 3 years. But that is a very real side to this journey.
Lennon is 17 months. I really thought by this age he’d be done breastfeeding, or close to it. He’s not. He still wants breast milk to be his primary source of nutrition. Every time I think we’re making progress and he’s eating real food better, then he stops and it gets worse than before.
Hand in hand with this problem is he’s still up a ton every single night. I breastfeed him on average 5 or 6 times a night. This translates to me never getting more than an hour of sleep at a time. I know that he is probably waking up so often because he’s hungry, he barely eats real food. But I don’t know how to make him eat!!
Lucille showed an interest in potty training very early. But I was juggling a newborn at the time and kind of put it off. For several months now I’ve been trying to get her interested again, and she simply isn’t budging. Her cousin and best friend, Allison, who is 3.5 months her junior is almost 100% potty trained, but that doesn’t phase Lulu one bit. I thought maybe an exciting new potty might help, so she picked out a princess toilet seat that I can put on our toilet. She doesn’t want to go potty on it though. She wants to snuggle it. Fantastic. (Obviously, now that it’s been placed on our real toliet I have not let any snuggling happen.)
Back to Lennon.. he’s definitely my problem child at the moment… he has become very violent. And I’m completely stumped by it. He hits me all the time. And punches. And kicks. And bites. And I have no idea where he gets this behavior from. He’s home with Lucille and me all day, so I can’t blame a brat at daycare. Lucille has never been violent. None of our play date friends are excessively violent. We don’t watch anything violent on television… it’s a mystery. But wherever it came from, I need to put a stop to it. And that has me even more stumped.
I don’t want to complain about my kids. I love them more than anything. And we’re going to make it through every challenge we face. But I’m writing down what our biggest battles are right now just to acknowledge that there are battles. And it’s totally normal to sometimes be overwhelmed and discouraged. And yes, some days, I let those feelings take over. I’m not proud of it. But that’s the reality of motherhood. I think I’d have trouble relating to a mother who didn’t feel this way from time to time.