Here’s my mommy confession, and I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. Some days are HARD and on these days I envy my husband. Bad!
I envy that he gets to leave the house every day to go to work while I try to work in between temper tantrums and poopy diapers. Being able to drive there in silence, complete silence! It sounds like a dream! Getting to interact with other adults. I swear sometimes I feel my brain is turning into mush over here due to lack of intelligent conversations.
I envy him for being able to walk around our house and get chores done without Lucille crying “Me do! Me do!” every time she sees a broom or a sponge. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate her enthusiasm about cleaning, but I probably don’t need to tell you, a 2 1/2 year old with a broom just makes for an even bigger mess. And then of course it has to be the one year old’s turn…Why is it when daddy sweeps they let him do it?
I envy Peter’s ability to go to the bathroom without company. If I want to use the toilet I have a choice between letting the kids come in with me, which means they’re climbing into the bathtub, begging to brush their teeth, trying to eat tampons, etc. Or I can sneak away without them and just hear Lucille scream “mommy where are you?” and the occasional “Lennon, stop it, go away!” the whole time. I spend my time on the toilet praying nothing and nobody will be broken when I get off.
I envy my husband’s inability to breastfeed my son. It’s all he’s wanted for the past 3 or 4 weeks as we’ve been dealing with some terribly bad teething issues. Seriously, I think I spend at least 50% of my day feeding this child… But “sorry babe, can’t help with that.” I realize you can’t… but I doubt you’re sorry about it.
So often I’ve wished I could take some of the dependence these kids have on me and transfer it to my husband. But if I take a minute and think about it… it’s really not what I want at all. Does adult conversation and a quiet ride in the car sound good right now? You bet! But does it sound so good I would be willing to give up this time with my kids? Never!
Today Lucille held my hand and told me we’re friends. And we are. I’m with her and Lennon every waking hour and some sleeping hours too, they are my best friends. It is exhausting having them want to be with me every second of every day. But they want to be with me because they feel safe and comfortable with me. They love their dad and grandparents and they play well with everyone… but when they feel sad or scared or just sleepy they want to be with me. Because they know me the best. And even though that’s when they’re crankiest, I’m so happy to be the person they come to when they are upset.
So as tired as I am, and even though I’m super behind on every household chore and can barely keep up with my job that pays the bills… I’m so glad that I can’t switch places with my husband. I’m so glad I’m the one that gets to be their constant protector. And I shouldn’t allow myself to get jealous of my husband anymore, because in all honesty, he’s probably jealous of me too. And I won’t blame him, because staying home with these crazy, energetic, loving, funny, needy kids is the best experience in the world.